Shocked

I guess I shouldn't be so surprised. We'd already talked about it before. Both of us have considered it. But I feel like I'm going to throw up.

The guy who's practically my best friend, who I talk to almost daily, who I try to convince myself I don't have feelings for even when I know I do, who I've never even met despite being friends for five years, just told me he's joining the Army. For sure.

No doubts this time, no speculation, no "I could see myself doing it" thoughts. As in, meeting with the recruiter this coming week.

Sure, I've considered it myself. And quite seriously a few times. So I feel even stupider for feeling this way. I can't even really say I know him, seeing as we've never met, which adds on to the "feeling stupid."

But suddenly, the idea of him joining is much less appealing. I don't want to consider all the "what if"s. (Not that I can totally control my thoughts from doing so... obviously.)

I mean I'm proud of him and happy for him and all, very much so, but I'm still in the "freaking out" stage.

Ugh...