So I just got a phone call. I didn't feel like talking so I'm not sure what made me answer it, but I did. A friend called to tell me that a lady who lives in my neighborhood, Tina, passed away today. That woman was one of the nicest people I knew and had more than enough problems in her life. Every kid in my neighborhood was Tina's kid. She loved us all and will be missed by many. RIP, Tina. We all love you. ♥
That was what I posted on my Facebook around 6 o'clock this evening. A beloved neighbor by many has "moved on", passed away, gone to heaven, left us, however you want to put it, shes no longer here with us in body.
On any given day you could expect this wonderful woman to be seen walking around the neighborhood with her lovely little dog named Maya. She cared for this dog with all her heart as she could, sadly, not have kids. She seemed able to except the fact and all the love she would have given to a child of her and her husband's own blood she gave to her dog and any child who wanted or needed it. I swear she cared for every single one of us in my neighborhood, and I couldn't be happier to be included in that group.
She'd talk with us like a friend, not an adult. She was always sure to make you happy and smile. I can't pretend that I knew her more than I did. I had gotten closer to her over the past few months and now wish I'd gone more out of my way to talk to her when she walked by ever single time, yell out of my window hello. I wish I could remember the very last time I talked to her better. I realize now, it had actually been a while. Two weeks probably, at least.
I know I never knew how to approach the subject of her cancer, nor ever really had the chance to as others were almost always around. I now realize, terribly realize, I was one of those people who were "lets pretend its not happening in order to get passed it". Maybe not in so many words, but I was one less person to voice I was there.
One of those "I don't know when or if its the right time" people. I now realize in most cases, she probably felt she was dealing with it a lot on her own. I think, though I can't say for sure, people with a sickness or disease probably feel the weight of it more than we realize, as people on the outside feel its better not to talk about it. We usually don't want to.
I'd give anything to even just say "I know I'm sixteen and may not seem like anything more than a teenager to you, but I can always listen and I'm sorry you have cancer" or whatever. You get the point. Don't people always have this "I wish I would have/could have/hadn't have/etc." guilt?
I went to my first funeral about two years ago for my mother's cousin Claude. I didn't know him, but seeing him lying there, unmoving and never to move again, definitely had an effect on me. About two months ago, my gradnfather's sister died. I didn't know her either and nothing was really said about it so it had nor more of an effect on me than hearing of somebody's death on the news.
Sad and terrible but not directly hindering.
About a month ago a guy, who was about six years older than me, died. I hadn't seen or spoken to him much when I knew him nor had I for the past 4 years as I had moved completely out of state. It effected me most of anything yet because I was sort of friends with his sister (who is my own sisters age) and his cousin who is more my age. I knew his family. I knew him. We'd lived in the same neighborhood. Still, the effect on me was less than what I'd have expected.
Tina is the first person I was really "close to", still talked to, actually had long conversations with, had walked with, and lived in the same neighborhood as that has passed away. I was already crying within a minute of hearing of her death. I had to tell my sister and mother and father who were standing nearby and had no idea why I was suddenly crying.
Soon after telling my sister she called a friend who is actually a distant relative of Tina to see if she knew. Apparently the girl, Paige, called her Aunt/Uncle to talk to them about it after, and when she did, they said it had pretty much just happened. Very shortly before she called.
Which leads me to believe I must have been one of the first people outside of the family to find out. The person who called me and told me who said "Tina died today" must have litterally called me just after it happened. I don't know what to think of that.
This blog isn't supposed to be about me though, or anybody else but Tina. She was an amazing woman and I give my heart out to her family who are sure to miss her dearly.
We all love you, Tina. If somehow you were to miracuiously read this, see what I'm typing, I'd tell you I hope you didn't feel alone and that I hope you can understand why I didn't say I'm sorry about you having cancer. People always say they get sick of hearing sorry, especially when they've lost a loved one or some such situation. Were you one of those people? Or would have you been immensely relieved to hear those two words? I hope you knew I felt close to you and loved talking to you, even if I'm all wrong and didn't know the real you at all.
I loved who I knew and always well. I still can't believe it, it seems unreal. Rest in peace, Tina, because you deserve your piece of Heaven.
With all my love,
Samantha N.
PS: I hope not to offened any of those who knew Tina and might come across this. My intentions were all the best, I promise. Bless anyone out there who has, especially recently, lost a friend, family member, loved one, old enemy, neighbor, or whoever.
Cancer has taken another fighter down.. Bless all who are still in the fight and those that made it through.
11/08/10
(Posted at 10:54 PM)
