Joining the Army

I think I'm going to enlist. I've been considering it- seriously- for about a year. Maybe a little more, maybe a little less. Either way, I've thought about it so much I don't know how I'm not sick of the word. Its the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep- yes, I'm talking about the military and not some guy!

But in all seriousness, it really is. I think about it at least 50 different times a day, probably way more. I absolutely can not ignore the thought anymore. I suppose thats why I let myself consider it in the first place. I had imagined once or twice when I was little, sure, but when I became much more... involved, I guess, I actually thought about it for a minute and was kind of just like- that could never be me.

And ever since that moment, the thought won't leave me. It kept nagging me until I thought about it again, and then nagged until I decided to consider it. Nagged until I did consider it, and then until I allowed myself to think "I think I'm gonna do it."

I just talked about it with my parents yesterday. They both responded exactly as I'd expected. Let me explain.

My dad, he loves the military; he almost joined himself (though the Marines, not the Army). He likes what they have to offer you- personally what the military can do for you. The kind of person it can make you in to. I also very much like that about the military. So he understands that and even agrees. Also the money as a job and for college and all that, too. But that isn't the number one priority on my list- its just a plus. I think he agrees with that. But of course, there's still the danger factor and me being his kid, daughter even, and he doesn't want that for me obviously. So thats where he is hesitant, as well as it isn't something you decide to do lightly and he wants me to know that. (Which trust me, I DO!)

And then theres my mom. She... to say the least, "flipped her lid." She absolutely does NOT want me to join in any shape or form and if she could prevent me from doing it (which she might say otherwise but I don't buy), I think she would. All she sees is the danger factor and that's it. Not even the value as a job, or for the college money, or for bettering me as a person, or even just because it is what I want to do. She says she'll support me (as did my father) no matter what I ever do, because thats what a parent does. But supporting me doesn't mean she'll support my decisions and it won't cause problems between us.

Of course I'm going to wait and give them plenty of time to kind of adjust, I guess. Get used to the actual idea and rationaly consider it rather than just acting and speaking on your first thoughts- which are usually the least desired ones.

I don't plan to push them about it, or argue with them, or get angry at their opinions. I guessed what they would feel, I was prepared for it or any other possible reactions. But I want to make sure they hear me, as well. I attempted to make it very clear how extremely seriously I have been thinking about this and that I've done the research- I'm no expert, but I know what I'm talking about and what its going to take.

I'm dying to talk about it. I try to have conversations with people but I don't have anybody to really connect with about it. I mean my dads the closest I've got I guess because he DOES understand, but he isn't removed enough I guess. I don't think it would change much for him or me, but still. And I need more than one person to talk to about it anyway.

My cousin and I have always been close- not as much as I wish we were, but I can always go to him and hopefully he'd do the same to me. So I tried talking to him about it, thinking he would understand, even agree and support me (I think he considered the military once), and to my utter surprise the first thing he says is that his first thoughts are that is isn't the best choice.

Wow.

So there went my last plan to get SOMEBODY to understand completely. To REALLY talk to about it, not having someone try to convince me to go one way or the other, just talking and understanding and giving feedback. Plus it wasn't in person and he wasn't really talking to me so we never even started the conversation before it ended...

I'm not sure what I'll do. I believe that I really, truly, in all seriousness, want this for myself. But as you can guess, it isn't something you just jump into doing. I'm not sure though how much more I can prepare myself for the decision. I think at this point, all thats pretty much left is to actually make that decision.

How do you know the difference between what you just believe you want and is right for you, compared to what actually is what you want and is right for you?

I can't get rid of the feeling it is what I should do, and the feeling that it isn't right isn't even really there anymore. I don't feel scared or nervous, or unprepared or anything. My gut feeling is 100% do this. My rational mind just won't let me make it conclusive.

So how do I choose?

My next step is meeting with a recruiter- a few months ago, heck even a week ago, that seemed so final. Like you couldn't turn back once you got to that point. If I went and talked to a recruiter, that meant I was SERIOUS. This was what I wanted. But now.. It just seems like another step in the research. Now I'm looking at BCT as that "final step" rather than a recruiter. I'm actually pretty excited to do it.

I talked to my guidance counsler today, actually. Told her I had been considering it and had just talked to my family about it and wondered what she thought, what her advice was, plus my mom wanted me to talk to her about it, as well as a recruiter.

By the end of our very short conversation, she practically had me set up with an appt. to speak with a recruiter. They come to our school all the time, so we asked the secretary when they were signed up to come next and she said they actually hadn't e-mailed her about it but she'd e-mail and ask. Then my counsler was just like "well there you go when they come you can just go during your lunch and talk..." blah blah blah. But I don't have a lunch!

So she said that, well since I work in the guidance office 3rd period anyway, right before lunches (which is when they come) why not see if he'll come early and speak with me beforehand? So the secretary says she'll ask him in the e-mail.

WHOA!! That was unexpected. I'm still kinda shocked that like- wow, I'm actually taking that step. But as I said, excited too.

Can I see myself sitting down with a recruiter and discussing this? Yes... and no. It's a hard thing to come to terms with until it is right there in front of you. One thing I know for sure is I couldn't be paid all the money in the world to tell my mother for the first time that I'd been considering joining again.